last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
