Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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