Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
