NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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