I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
