just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
