guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
