Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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