I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
