dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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