There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
