He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Randomize
