1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
