Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
