you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
