im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
