walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
