My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
