There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
