Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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