Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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