drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
