i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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