Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
