don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
