OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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