My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
