I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
