sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My feet surprised me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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