you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
