Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
