I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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