Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
