When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
