I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
