sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
