Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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