I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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