good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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