I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
