I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
