i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
