please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
