Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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