I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
