I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
