yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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