my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
