Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's rum buckets o'clock
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
