Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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