neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
